Sometimes my kids say things that strike me as such wisdom beyond their years. They don’t necessarily mean to “wow” me…but it still happens! This happened to me today. Jacob, my (just about) 10 year old son, was sitting on the floor building with Legos. I was watching a morning news program and drinking my coffee. A commercial came on advertising a product that, when applied to a scar on your face/body it supposedly helps to reduce the scar’s appearance. Jacob looks up and says: “Scars are memories. Why would you want to get rid of memories?” Just as quickly as he made the statement he put his head back down and went back to his building project.
I just sat there, staring at the back of my boy’s head, and choking back a lump in my throat. We chatted about what he meant for a few minutes. That scars have stories and they help to make up the story of who we are. My mind immediately went to the scars on my son’s body. He had thoracic surgery to correct a defect in his heart when he was 6 months old. As he grows larger, the scar seems to diminish some…but the memory of that time in our lives never does. When I happen to catch a glimpse of the scar which wraps around his side from front to back, I am reminded of the fear that descended on me as the cardiologist sat us down in his office and explained the problem with our baby’s heart. The urgency of the prayers Eric and I poured out to the Lord, begging Him to heal and restore our son. The emptiness of my arms after I handed him over to the doctor outside the operating room. The relief and joy following the surgery, watching Jacob recover and thrive.
Yes…scars are memories. Scars tell stories. Why would you want to forget? Even if they remind us of a difficult time in life, scars do add dimension to our memories! Some scars are visible to the general public, others are only seen if one chooses to reveal them. There are also emotional scars that run along the inside of a person’s very soul…these, I suppose, are the ones that we most likely would choose to erase if given a chance. These also tend to be the scars that shape and effect us most deeply. They don’t have to define us…but often they do.
I have some emotional scars…(who doesn’t, really?)…remnants of past pain and unresolved hurts that linger. Occasionally,I find myself running my finger along the lines of these scars in moments of self pity. I have grown up some, in my dealings with these invisible scars. My first instinct isn’t to hide them or numb them. Now I can actually study them and admire them up close. I can even appreciate them and celebrate the depths of understanding, growth and grace they have allowed to flow into my life. To forget them would be to deny part of my history. To choose to deny the painful moments, I would be choosing to deny the healing that followed.
No. I will keep my scars. I won’t flaunt them but I will keep them. They have served me well in ways I don’t fully understand and can’t completely explain. But that is ok…because they are mine.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…” Genesis 50:19
