Am I really ready?

 Our family has been living in Nsoko, Swaziland for about three months now, and we leave in one week. Lately, I've been thinking quite a bit about going back home to the States. The thoughts of it overwhelm me sometimes. So much so that I don't think I really realize how hard it will be to say goodbye to Nsoko.

 During our time here we have started to have some really meaningful relationships with the people here. Whether it be the children, the young people, the adults, or even the gogos and mukulus (grandmas and grandpas), we have really fallen in love with this community.

 We've fallen in love with people like Eme, the little baby girl we took in last week, as some of you may have read in the previous post.

 With people like our ministry partners. These young adults have been an inspiration to me in their faith and in the way they minister to the children.

 Or GoGo Eliya, also in a previous post, rejoicing in nothing.

 All of these people will be tremendously missed when we return home. There will be tears, many, I'm sure, of sadness, the sorrow that we will feel knowing we have to leave these precious children of the Lord behind for a season.

 Another way thinking so much about going home has affected me is that I admit I haven't really been focusing on the ministry we have yet to do here.

 My thoughts tend to wander to people in America, family, friends. Even as I hold a friend on my lap, a precious child of the Lord, I selfishly put that aside, and think about the people I miss...

 Even as I rejoice with my Swazi family at church on Sunday, I will remember the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins I left behind.

 Why do I do this? Why can't I savor the moments I have left? I know I am going home soon, I know I will see the friends and family back home. I have that assurance, yet, I want it to happen faster, I want it now.

 My prayer for this last week we are here is that I can put aside going home, put aside the things I am waiting for, and just be here. Be what we are, missionaries in Nsoko! I want to love the children, my friends here! I want to have fellowship with my family in Christ here!

 It is hard, but I believe that is what God wants me to do in this final week we are here.

"Be faithful in small things, because it is in them that your strength lies."

 ~Mother Teresa