Am I really ready?
Our family has been living in Nsoko, Swaziland for about three months now, and we leave in one week. Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about going back home to the States. The thoughts of it overwhelm me sometimes. So much so that I don’t think I really realize how hard it will be to say goodbye to Nsoko.
During our time here we have started to have some really meaningful relationships with the people here. Whether it be the children, the young people, the adults, or even the gogos and mukulus (grandmas and grandpas), we have really fallen in love with this community.
We’ve fallen in love with people like Eme, the little baby girl we took in last week, as some of you may have read in the previous post.
With people like our ministry partners. These young adults have been an inspiration to me in their faith and in the way they minister to the children.
Or GoGo Eliya, also in a previous post, rejoicing in nothing.
All of these people will be tremendously missed when we return home. There will be tears, many, I’m sure, of sadness, the sorrow that we will feel knowing we have to leave these precious children of the Lord behind for a season.
Another way thinking so much about going home has affected me is that I admit I haven’t really been focusing on the ministry we have yet to do here.
My thoughts tend to wander to people in America, family, friends. Even as I hold a friend on my lap, a precious child of the Lord, I selfishly put that aside, and think about the people I miss…
Even as I rejoice with my Swazi family at church on Sunday, I will remember the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins I left behind.
Why do I do this? Why can’t I savor the moments I have left? I know I am going home soon, I know I will see the friends and family back home. I have that assurance, yet, I want it to happen faster, I want it now.
My prayer for this last week we are here is that I can put aside going home, put aside the things I am waiting for, and just be here. Be what we are, missionaries in Nsoko! I want to love the children, my friends here! I want to have fellowship with my family in Christ here!
It is hard, but I believe that is what God wants me to do in this final week we are here.
“Be faithful in small things, because it is in them that your strength lies.”
~Mother Teresa
Claire, thank you for sharing what’s on your mind and heart. I’m betting that once you’re back in the States for a week or two, you’re going to notice some big big big contrasts between who you were on September 12th and who you are on December 15th. Until then, finish this race well. We’re cheering for you as you cross the first finish line!
We are so proud of you, Claire! And, we, selfishly, also want you home. Yet, we have seen and heard and read about all that you have been doing and we KNOW God has used you in mighty ways!!! It’s exciting to see how God answered our prayers for all of you! And, this time away from home has drawn our family closer together – to you – and to one another.
We love you! We’ve been praying you will finish well – and we’ll continue to.
Until we see you soon,
MUCH LOVE!
Aunt Lisa
Claire,
I want you to know that I really appreciated your blog post. It inspires me to make the most of the moments and opportunities God has me in, rather than just focusing on when this period will be over. God bless you and I pray that God will help you to keep your focus right where He wants it.
In Christian Love,
Melanie Weaver
I love you Claire! The children of Nsoko love you and Jacob so much…you have been a light in dark places! I am blessed to be your mama.
I’ve loved reading your posts and loved hearing about your time there. I’m so glad that your family and Brandon have been there at the same time. Keep up the great work. I know God is using you in ways beyond what you can imagine and He is preparing your family for what He has next. Praying for you all!
Oh… the last post was for Jen… Just found the Claire part… but great job to you as well!!!
Claire, thank you for sharing some good truth there… to live and serve and love in the moment! You take after your mama there… teaching the rest of us! 🙂 Sending you lots of love and encouragement in your last week. I know that the time you have spent, the love you have given, the seeds of the Gospel you are sowing each day will bring forth a great harvest, whether you see it now or not. God sees it all, and He is pleased with you, his precious daughter!
Wow Claire! You’ve grown SO much – sometimes I miss what God is doing in you in the midst of the busyness of ministry here. I’m sorry for that. I love you so much and am so blessed to be your father. Keep seeking hard after God.
Gabe- you made me cry, thank you so much, I am doing my best to finish that race 🙂
Aunt Lisa- I am so glad to hear that!! It has been awesome to see how, not only our family has been tremendously changed through this experience, but also other families, love you too =]
Melanie- I can’t recall who you are, but I really appreciate your comment! you are from beechwood? Thank you
Mom- I am blessed to be your daughter, thanks for helping be to learn how to be that light… love you!
Morgan- I have never met you, but I have heard great things about you from mom and Brandon, thank you for the encouragement. And yes, I wrote this one.
Heidi- Thank you so much. That meant a lot! Can’t wait to see you guys in like two weeks!!
Daddy-I LOVE YOU!! Thank you so much. You are such a great teacher and leader for our family. Thank you for helping me to recognize God’s plan for my life. Love you!! 🙂
~~~Thank you everyone!~~~
Dearest Claire. How quickly you have grown. We are so proud of you. You have wisdom beyound your years!! We do miss you and are looking forward to you coming back, but also realize how important you are there.We are confident that God has it all in HIS control. Keep up the good work, and as others have said, finish well. Love,Nana & Papa
Claire, your post was beautiful! You are a true daughter of the King and I am inspired by your living example. God’s blessings to you and your family as you enter into this last week in Swaziland. It will be nice to catch up with the Petersons!
nana and papa-thank you!! God is in control…always is…
Mike- thank you also, yes, it will be good to catch up
Claire,
Thanks for your vulnerability. You have made great sacrifices over the last three months to support your parents and the people of Swaziland.
When my wife and I spent time with your parents privately, they shared how proud they are of you. You are a special young lady with an amazing future in front of you.
I admire you and what you have done there is Swaziland. As you look back on this experience later in life, you will see that it has made you a better person.
You have every right to miss your family, friends and people you love back in the states. It’s only normal.
I pray God continues to bless you and your family!
Todd
Hi Clair, Your writing is excellent and what you have to say is even better. We’re so proud of all that you’re doing in Swaziland, and were impressed at how you took care of little Eme, and we pray that she is better again. We can understand how torn you can be, wanting to go home and also wanting to continue to work there. We pray for an easy transition. Love you, Gram and Grandpa
Claire – I told you the other day online that I don’t always get the time to comment on each of the blog posts. This was a beautiful post and you’ve certainly done well in sharing your heart. Your undeniable passion for God and serving him shows 🙂 I’m looking forward to seeing you and hearing more of your stories!
Claire–
WOW! You will be a writer just like your Mom…As I am posting this, you are returning back to “The States”…you are all in our thoughts and prayers as you all must be on an emotional roller coaster. We are so looking forward to hugging you all and hearing about all God is doing in your lives! Hurry back!