“Surely Not I, Rabbi?”

This week I have been reading the Gospel writers’ different accounts of the last week of Jesus’ life. Today I find myself reflecting on the disciples who end up turning their backs on their beloved Teacher. Judas made the deal to turn Jesus over to the chief priests for thirty silver coins. Peter, seemingly, just caved under the pressure to deny being one of Jesus closest followers. How do the actions of these two men strike you?

For myself, I have always looked on Judas as such a tragic character in the salvation story, our story! As Jesus says in the account of the Last Supper in Matthew: “But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.”  (Matt 26:24)

These are very harsh words, although, considering the way Judas’ life ended many would argue they are also very accurate words. Judas returns the ‘blood money’ and dies alone, at his own hands.

Then there is Peter. The Rock. Not just one of the twelve, but said to be one of the three closest to Jesus. THE inner circle! Jesus predicts to Peter that he will deny knowing Him three times in one evening. Peter declares: “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” (Matt 26:35)

Of course, Scripture tells us that when faced with three opportunities to admit being associated with Jesus, Peter denies it each time. What remorse, what shame must have weighed down Peter’s heart at the sound of that rooster crowing in he distance…

Can you imagine? Can you feel it?

In fact, all the disciples let Jesus down when they fell asleep in the garden after Jesus asks them, twice, to stay awake and keep watch while He went off alone to pray. Their “eyes were heavy” Matthew states. What about the heaviness of Jesus’ heart? The incredible weight pressing down upon his shoulders, so much so that “his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” (Luke 22:44)

As I was reflecting on this today, it seems to me there are three distinct areas of desertion and denial represented by each of these disciples’ actions. It is tempting to place different levels of importance or degrees of offense on each of the three areas. It would be easy to argue that committing one of the betrayals is far deeper a transgression than another. I would dare say, there is no appropriate “grading” system for this. Any one of the three is equally as repugnant as the others. Each one causes a turning away rather than a turning toward intimacy with Jesus Christ.  The three distinct areas I see are:

 

Denial/Betrayal Based on Discomfort: The disciples in the garden were exhausted (physically, emotionally, spiritually) and they just couldn’t stand it anymore. They knew Jesus asked them to stay alert, keep watch but…surely He didn’t want them to be uncomfortable!! Perhaps, if I just close my eyes for a few minutes…

How uncomfortable am I willing to be in following Jesus? Am I willing to give up my physical comfort? What if I’m tired, worn out, weary? Can’t I just let someone else do the work for a while? Scripture tells me in Galatians 6:9 to “never tire of doing good”. Being comfortable was never part of the call to follow Christ! “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him…” Philippians 1:29

 

Denial/Betrayal Based In Fear: Peter saw Jesus being arrested, he witnessed the armed soldiers dragging him away in the night. He had heard Jesus predicting His own death and no doubt Peter was terrified! Keeping a low profile seemed like a good idea. Not associating himself with Jesus only made sense, right!? What good would it do for both of them to be dead? Jesus certainly wouldn’t want me to risk my own safety, would He? He doesn’t actually expect me to put myself out on a limb; make myself a target for ridicule; to allow pain into my life…does He? “In fact everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” 2 Timothy 3:12 

I don’t think our personal safety is of utmost value in the Kingdom of God! If being safe is your ultimate goal in this life…you are going to miss it!

 

Denial/Betrayal Based In Greed: Judas let his love of money pollute his mind and drive his actions. He sold out Jesus for thirty silver coins. What do we sell out for? The big house, the luxury vacation, the flashy career…the American Dream? Now, am I saying that Christians who have these things (and more) are not actually following Christ? Am I saying Christians can not enjoy the finer things? NO, I am not saying that! What I am saying is that, as Christians, we are to always be checking ourselves and our grip on our stuff! Hold it loosely! Don’t let money or the stuff money can buy ever become our master. Don’t idolize it/them. The thirty silver coins, themselves, were not evil; they were neutral. It was what they represented to Judas and what they led him to do and persuaded him to lose. So I’ll ask it again…what do we sell out for?

 

This time of year, Holy Week or Passion Week, always causes me to reflect on my own sinfulness.  It points me toward my own level of depravity. As I meditate on the suffering and agony of Jesus, it illuminates the relative void of suffering and agony in my own life. Yes, for this I am grateful, but it also makes me  melancholy…pensive…contemplative…

I read and re-read  the denial and betrayals of Judas, Peter, and the others and it is natural and easy to slip into judgement and disgust for their lack of conviction; their irresponsbility. But I quickly look inward and  I find myself say under my breath…. “Surely not I, Rabbi! Surely not I!”